Regular Dosage: How to be thrown off by the musings of a child

I remember a few months back, I was at a family friend's house and was looking after their daughter while the 'adults' chatted in another room. She was about two and a half at this time, maybe closer to three years old. We were playing with the coasters on the coffee table (riveting game play, I know, but she seemed engaged), stacking them high, building different shapes.

Amidst the repetition of our game, she stopped giggling for a second and looked at me. She asked me, 'Are you happy, Stephanie?'

I replied easily, 'Yes, are you happy?'

'Yes!' she squealed and threw all the coasters in the air. 'I'm always happy! Why are you happy?'

Ah. Now I've been suddenly thrown into the therapist's couch and I'm being psycho-analysed by a little girl under the age of three. And damn, she had me there. I think in that moment, my response was probably offhand - 'Because I'm playing with you!' 'Because dessert is nearly ready!' 'Because I'm having fun!'

And of course, those are all valid reasons to be happy. It's 100% truth that my happiness increases tenfold when I remember that dessert still awaits. But leaving their house later that night and driving home, the questions just kept repeating in my head. At the time, my parents and sister were both on separate holidays, leaving me alone to blast bad pop songs and fall asleep on the couch without being woken up at 5:30am by the coffee machine. But, you know, it also left me to write lists and scribble words, rifle through pages and scroll through old writing.

And I think most of the time, it's easy enough to say, 'Yeah, I'm happy today.' But sometimes, it's really, really hard to say that honestly, and to then be able to rack up reasons for your happiness. I know that I'm grateful for a lot of things (my house, food, money, water, clothing, safety, family) and that remains a constant. But sometimes my happiness fluctuates. Sometimes there are days when if that little girl were to pop up randomly and ask me, 'Are you happy, Stephanie? Why are you happy?' I'd be unable to answer either of them. 

Shoeholics Anonymous: Windsor Smith 'Whistel'

Mildly obsessed with buying uncomfortable clunky black shoes. The latest is this pair of pointed, chunky flats from Windsor Smith, 'Whistel' (why is it spelled wrong? What purpose does that serve?)

I'm yet to wear these out in public yet because the sole literally does not bend, it is so unbelievably solid that it feels like I'm walking with concrete boots on my feet. But they're so classy looking, plus they were 50% off! (My justification for every impulsive purchase).

In other news! I'm back to posting on my nailart Instagram account, after a two month hiatus! And I've finished my uni degree! It's really difficult to see this time now (post classes, pre-March 2015) as time to start looking for a job as opposed to the four month holiday as it's been for the past four years. Here's hoping I find some purpose, motivation and focus to kickstart this next stage of my life!